Acceptance

Female Leader  Board

Well, I think I blew my goal out of the water. I was the first female across the finish line and my time held to make me the top ranked female. So, why am I not glowing with pride? Simply put: I did not race well. It took until today (Wednesday) for me to accept the fact that I won and to be proud of my finish.











I felt like this guy on Saturday.
Not my usual self. (From Mudathlon)

To further explain: Every other OCR I have done this year, I have done with a big fat grin on my face. Smiling the entire race. Just happy to be challenging my entire body. Saturday, there was no smile. I was miserable. Now, I'm usually miserable for the first 1-2 miles. As I've told Jon, I run like a good Derby horse: Slow out the gates, but a strong finisher. After my body has warmed up and all of the kinks/lactic acid has found its way out, I feel amazing. I feel like a million bucks. I just have to fight that first mile or so. I never hit that point on Saturday. The first 2 miles or so, I pushed myself, waiting for that feeling to kick in. Never happened. So instead of feeling miserable for 1-2 miles, I felt crappy the whole time. My quads burned. My lungs burned. I had extreme flem build up. I wanted to walk.  I wanted to quit. Where the hell was the finish line? Mentally, I tried to snap out of it. I gave myself a pep talk. I clapped my hands, pumped my fists. "Here we go Nick." "You got this." "You eat hills for breakfast." Nothing. Nothing seemed to work. The only thing that kept me pushing was the occasional sighting of the female behind me. "Must beat her. Can't let her pass me."

Crossing the Bridge

So I've been reflecting on the race. I've been trying to make the case to myself as to why I should feel proud of my first place finish. I always imagined a first place finish would result in the race of my life, not a race where I didn't feel strong. I don't feel like I earned it. The next female came in 2 minutes behind me. Where were the competitors who would give me a run for my money? I shouldn't have been first. I'm part of a Spartan Chick community whose thousands of members are incredibly strong and athletic women. Where were they? I have to realize that I was the fastest female that showed up to race on Saturday. I beat every other female racer. I beat every other female racer who stayed away because of the chill and rain. I beat every other female who did not sign up. Despite not feeling good, the pain in my legs and lungs, the non-existent smile on my face, I was the fastest across the finish line.



On this morning's trail run I was finally able to find a reconciliation. I realized I am a Spartan Chick. Spartan Races want to push you past your comfort level. I was no where near close to comfortable on Saturday, but I pushed through it. I didn't quit. I didn't walk when I should be running. I kept going. I went beyond my comfort levels, and finished as the fastest female. I didn't run my best, but it was a test of my mental strength. A test I think I passed, and a grade I earned.

Personal Stats



Finisher's Photo